I wasn’t planning on writing tonight. My heart hurt too much. But that’s exactly why I need to. This, and pray. Lots of prayer.
I can’t even write about why my heart hurts. Just know that it does, and it’s broken because of sin and brokenness and how lost people are without Jesus. It’s not something that I hear about happening in another country, it’s something that is happening in my own backyard. The reality of life without Jesus is real, and the reality of sin and it’s consequences are very, very near. There’s nothing but a burden in my chest. A pang of what Jesus must feel over His creation when they abide outside of His Salvation. I can’t even imagine how much Jesus’ own heart must hurt if mine hurts this bad.
Why? Why is there so much pain? Hurt? Brokenness? Why do people choose death when there is a great Eternal Life available 24/7 to them?
I don’t know the answer to that question: why. I don’t like asking it. That singular word has always been a bait for my soul to doubt my Jesus. To question His goodness, His faithfulness, and His sovereignty. And while I cannot answer the question Why? all I know is that Jesus is on the throne. In the midst of sin, sorrow, and pain, He is in control. Not to force those who follow Him to do His will, but to lead us in the Way that is everlasting. To wrap us in the robe of Righteousness and call us His children. He loved us while we were yet in that state of utter desperation, separated from God. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I don’t know if you reading this live according to that work, but know this: Jesus, the Son of God, loves you. Died so that you could be free. From burdens, from sin, from death. But He didn’t stay dead, and that’s the power of this Gospel. He is alive, and in that I place my hope. The chains of this life are broken in the Spirit. Your struggle, the one that you feel you cannot escape, is defeated. Your job is to choose to live free of it.
The Spirit of God is here. He is at work in the world. In the midst of pain, suffering, sorrow, death, sin, perversion, and evil, Jesus is there. I need to speak this over my soul tonight. Because it’s true. I speak it over my life, my family, my friends, the Church, and the globe. He is here.
My heart hurts tonight. I have cried many times. Prayed prayers out of what seems like a desperate situation. Yet in the midst of it all, in the midst of the dark tunnel where there seems to be no light, Jesus is here. He is good. He is faithful. Unchanging. I cling to that.