Thursday, October 9, 2014

statistics, pain, & his whisperings

The older I get the more I'm seeing of the world around me. The more I see the more saddened I am. I have heard of things my entire life yet have never had any personal contact with anything, therefore not really caring. In this season of adoption I am gaining a heart for orphans, etc etc. A lot of statistics are overwhelming to me. They used to be just statistics, but I'm personally seeing things. Things that are affecting my life. Statistics are no longer far away... they've made their way into my home, and into my heart. My eyes are being opened just a little bit, but I'm not liking a lot of what I'm seeing. I'm saddened. Heart broken. I'm feeling a lot of pain and hatred for sin. There is a temptation to panic, and freak out, and totally become depressed at this scene, too. And then that still, small voice:

"Wait. Rest in me. I died for you to be free. For others to be free. So forgive. Love. Bring in the hurting. Love your little girls. Love those who have hurt you."

"But I'm hurting! I'm scared! I want to forgive but I don't know how!"

"Let me do the work. Rest in what I've done. Fix your eyes upon me. I am your only hope."

I'm resting in that today.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

::the sun rose::

The Lord knows what we have need of, even when we do not voice it. He's just that way. He delights in answering those unspoken prayers, the little longings we have that reflect His heart. He knows me inside and out. He knows my thoughts. Likes and dislikes. And I'm His child. He delights to delight me. To many of y'all this may seem fluffy, unimportant, or unspiritual. But it was something that really spoke to my heart. Something the Lord has used in the past 24 hours to say, "I know what you want, and I delight in surprising you with it." So. Going on to the story... yesterday I wasn't feeling so hot, and was really struggling in my soul with some things that have been coming up. A lot of things in regard to the whole adoption (updates here!) I was trying to process and pray through, and somewhere along the line I was just like, "I really just want to go hiking. I need to hike. That will help. And it would be fun with David and Cristina." That was that. Didn't think any more of it until that evening, when my mom came downstairs to tell me that Cristina had arrived. That was right! She was coming for the evening to discuss college options and such with mom and I.... I was excited that she was here and so therefore ran upstairs. To my surprise both she and David were there. I was just like, yes. But they were leaving in the morning, so no hike could be accomplished. That was okay, I reasoned. Jesus knew what I needed, and a hike wasn't that important. Then David proceeded to talk of doing a sunrise hike... um, yes?!  So, the following morning. 5 am. I was barely awake, but we all (Cristina, David and I) jumped into the Expedition and drove up the mountain to the trailhead. Hiking in the dark is something I'm still getting used to, but am loving. We stopped a couple of times, with Emily, our German Shepherd, wildly exploring all around us. We made it to the top at 6:42, fifteen minutes before the sun was going to rise. And when it did rise...

Jesus knows the things we have need of. I am certain of it. He cares for the tiny little things that make our days... and He really blessed the socks off of me this morning, as I sat on a mountaintop watching the sun rise with my friends. I am so amazed by Him. So even though my little story may not mean much to you, just go away knowing that Jesus is in love with you. And wants you. And is crazy about you. And loves delighting you. He delights me. Just rest in Him today and trust that He knows what you need.